365 Resolutions

08.07.2010

2010-08-07T06:42:00.000-07:00

I saw these post-its in the store while I was buying C an opening night card and I couldn't resist. I've been engaged since June, but since we're planning a long engagement (shooting for a wedding in 2014) the excitement died down pretty quickly without wedding planning and dress shopping and bridal showers to rush into. I even had to go without my ring for a month and a half while the artisan personally recrafted it in a stronger white gold. When I got it back I found it was still a half a size too big, but I don't have the heart to let it go again to get it resized. Not yet!

We're still totally blissful though! Sometimes C goes to hold my hand and feels the ring and we share a nice moment. My awesome sister sent us a kitchenaid mixer as an engagement present! I have the day off on tuesday and I intend to make my first batch of something delicious. C requested brownies. My mom sent us a decorative dishtowel that says "...and they lived happily ever after" which i proudly hung from our oven. And of course, I never tire from C's dad referring to me as his future daughter-in-law. i lucked out as far as in-laws go. His parents and step-parents are really wonderful people, and it's ridiculous how well we get along.

Now to go out and enjoy my surprise day off! Yes that's right! I woke my ass up at 5am, got ready and got to work by 7:30. I was excited to be a half an hour early, until I found out that I was an entire 24 and 1/2 hours early. I ran home and woke up C so we could spend a couple of hours together before his show today. Hooray!

08.04.2010

2010-08-04T08:01:00.000-07:00

My last post was in May, three months ago. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid. My life is a sick cycle: weeks of health and happiness followed by weeks of fatigue and depression. My healthy habits last for a few weeks and then a sickness or even a couple of rough days at work will throw me backwards for awhile. How do we sustain ourselves in times of stress, when we need health more than ever?

These last three months I haven't been posting have not been an entire failure. Here are some of my accomplishments:

1. I've officially paid off 50% of my federal student loans! I'm paying a ridiculous amount of money every month because my interest rate is sky high. If I can keep up my completely non-extravagant lifestyle for another five or six months I can pay them off entirely. Of course, the thought has crossed my mind that if I can keep up the same lifestyle for another five or six years, I can put a lot of money away in savings.

2. My friends and I have made significant leaps with our theatre company. We kick off our first season with a huge celebration on September 4th, and then we have nine months chock full of theatre and activism. This season is revolving around the current issues surrounding immigration and immigrant rights. To prepare, we've been reading all sorts of literature on the topic and scouring the headlines. I feel really confident that we can make some big changes this year. I also feel confident that devoting time and effort to such an important cause is going to make me feel a lot better about myself.

3. C and I opened our first joint account- it's an ING savings account called "The Wedding Fund." Our first deposit was a milk jug full of change that we'd been saving ever since we started dating three years ago. It ended up to be almost $400!

4. After a five day long sinus infection that left me exhausted and pretty depressed, I spent the last two days reorganizing my house from top to bottom. I've got two giant bags of clothes and two small boxes of other random items- records, books, water bottles, etc. to donate this week. Things accumulate in our house very swiftly, and it feels good to do a little purging. Since C and I are on opposite schedules right now, I had to send him an e-mail that detailed the new method of organization for each of our drawers, closets and cabinets so that we could keep our stuff nice and neat. That was probably the craziest thing I've ever done as a significant other.

5. I invested $7 in an Ikea collapsable dish rack. C and I agreed to make an effort to wash our dishes as we use them and then actually dry them and put them away. It'll take a little bit more time, but hopefully it'll be better than our method of letting them pile up in the sink, washing them all and leaving them piled up in the rack to dry...and then neglecting to put them away until we're ready to wash another batch of dishes and we need the drying space.

I'm going to keep working on these resolutions slowly and steadily. I know where I want my life to be eventually, I just have to cut out a little of the anxiety I feel when I wonder how I'm ever possibly going to get there. I hope to update a couple of times a week from now on.

05.13.2010

2010-05-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

Not too much excitement going on here- just bought my boyfriend a great graduation gift, and now I'm trying to convince myself that I don't need a giant glass lantern from pottery barn for $79.00.

05.11.2010

2010-05-11T15:13:00.000-07:00

Job wise, things are a little better -I'm not working an impossible eight days a week- just a managable seven. But all is well. I'm still home by 11pm at the latest, even when I close the restaurant or the box office. I'm making decent money, so I can go on vacation next month with no anxiety, buy the boyfriend a nice graduation/birthday present, and keep working off my student loans. Obviously, working seven days a week is not ideal, but that's what it is for now.

A couple of friends and I have been tossing around ideas for a theater company. The only problem is EVERYONE in new york city wants to start a theatre company. What's our top secret ingredient that will make us stand apart? We want our theatre company to change the world. We're going to take some time this summer to sit down and seriuosly discuss exactly how we do that, but we've had some good ideas already. I'm ready to get past my good intentions and start doing good for the human race and the rest of the planet.

More good news! My long-awaited-much-anticipated-well-deserved vacation is only ONE MONTH AWAY! It's such a nice feeling knowing that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Yay!

05.01.2010

2010-05-01T07:23:00.000-07:00

I'm now the proud mom of a baby ponytail palm! His name is Bruce.

I'm going through a little bit of stress at work. Here's the lowdown:

Part time job #1 is short staffed. They need to schedule me 5 days a week instead of 4. Part time Job #2 is short staffed. They need to schedule me 3 days a week instead of 2. That adds up to 8 days a week- which is impossible. To make matters worse, part time job #1 completely ignores the days I request off to work at my other job, so my schedule is a mess. How can I work 12-9 at one place and 2-10 at the other place on the same day?! The worst part of all is that yesterday, my boss told me that I cannot go on vacation in June, which has been planned for at least six months, has been on my list of conflicts for the last two months, and which I TOLD THEM ABOUT WHEN I INTERVIEWED FOR THE POSITION.

I'm so sick of food service. I wish I could get paid to feed poor hungry children instead of upper east side snobs. That's been a huge struggle lately. I want to do good things for the world. I'm just wrapped up in trying to pay my freaking rent every month.

04.29.2010

2010-04-29T04:32:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's almost May! It's still pretty chilly over here, but it looks like it's going to start warming up in the next week or so.

The figure drawing class was a lot of fun and very inspiring. It was really nice to hang out with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. We bitched to each other about work and being broke, but then we settled into our wobbly metal stools and appreciated the little gifts the city bestows upon us, like drawing a fat old man in a quirky underground art studio. I hope we get a chance to go back soon.

I'm skipping my workout today- our shower is broken again. It "breaks" every couple of months- the pressure falls and the temperature is impossible to control. We have to stand there in a scalding hot drip until our landlord can find the time to come fix it. He's coming this morning, but I don't know when. I don't want to come back from the gym, gross and sweaty, and not be able to shower right away. ew. I think I'll do a little grocery shopping instead and forgive myself this once :)

Now that my finances are in order, I'm going to seriously tackle a second resolution- the food complex. Working as often as I do, it's freaking HARD to always have a meal or snack on hand. I'm usually good for two weeks or so after a big shopping trip, but when we start to run out of things in the house, I resort to running across the street to the deli to grab a sandwich or some sushi at work. Once in awhile, even once a week, isn't the worst thing. But any more than that, and the food problem starts to become a financial problem. How do I cope? I'm going to start to research recipes, bake and cook more. I might even have to invest in some more pyrex tupperware, to make sure I'm always prepared for a meal on the go. I'm usually home in the mornings, which means I can have a nice big breakfast and smaller meals throughout the day. Delis are plentiful in the city, but they're expensive and their healthy choices are limiting. So here goes nothing!

04.28.2010

2010-04-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

I've got to give myself a little bit of credit- I've been working really hard. When that one day off rolls around, it's difficult to be productive. We've run out of food in the house and our schedules never allow us to go to the store together. If I didn't live in the city, I'd jump in my car and load up on groceries myself, or ask C to do it on his free time. But we DO live in New York, which means everything you buy you have to carry home- uphill in our case. It makes it a lot easier if we both go together, I just don't know when that will be.

I'm going to meet my friend for a figure drawing class tonight! One of my resolutions is to improve my drawing skills, but, again, I'm finding it very difficult to practice regularly.

The one resolution I have been pretty steady with is getting my finances in order. I checked my credit report and my credit score, opened a Roth IRA and set up an automatic savings plan. I consolidated my loans and found out that the federal government is really raking in my money with a high interest rate on my student loans. If I can hold out on a more comfortable lifestyle for two more years, I think I can pay them off by June of 2012, saving myself over $4000 in interest on their payback plan.

I also want to get married and adopt a kid one day, prospects which sometimes seem like impossibilities.

*sigh*

04.17.2010

2010-04-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

Not gonna lie...been a little depressed lately. The resolutions were a lot easier with my old job. Now I'm making more money, but I'm working six to seven days a week. I'm not going to hold myself to a daily post anymore because I don't have time to really do it justice. I'm going to shoot for weekly or biweekly from now on.

So I slipped up and took it out on myself pretty hard. I'm sliding off the edge of what was a pretty brutal binge of self-disgust. Here is a short and unspecified list of the things I'm trying to get a good grip on that are totally overwhelming me right now:

Work (duh)
Housekeeping
Health & Body Image
Finances
Loneliness
Artistic Lull

When I get upset about these things, it easily turns into a self-esteem problem. The ideas that I'm not good enough or organized enough or lack will-power and strength creep into my mind and lodge themselves into the folds of my brain.

One of the biggest causes of my recent bout of depression has to do with a current lack of design work. I put it off intentionally to get settled in my two new jobs, and nothing much has come up since then. I've been thinking about design lately and have formed some really difficult thoughts concerning my future as an artist. I put a ton of work into each project I take on. I spent countless hours and energy on designs. I did a couple of shows this year that were less than fabulous. They lacked depth and meaning. I still poured my heart into them, because I'm a good designer.

...But I don't think I want to do that anymore. Lately, a weird thought pops into my brain while I'm sifting through research, commuting to meetings, drawing, drafting, building or painting. Should I be putting all this devotion and energy towards something that will have a more direct and positive effect on the world?

I'd like to come up with a way to make my art more of a direct agent of progress. I feel like there are issues at hand that are far too urgent to be putting so much energy, talent, and money into productions that are not meaningful. I'd really like to sit down this summer and figure out how I could do this. I feel like my happiness comes from helping others and doing good things for the world. Can I do that as a set designer?

It doesn't help that all these things are pushed to the surface when my two best friends and goddaughter move away and my boyfriend's schedule keeps him out late every night. I've been feeling a deep new york city loneliness that is easily enhanced by a glance at the skyline from the manhattan bridge or a crowded subway car. I'd like to get out right away and meet some new people. I laugh far less often than I should. The trick is finding the time and energy. Seems like that's always the trick, actually.

04.12.2010

2010-04-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

Still working pretty hard. I'm making progress with my finances and slowly but surely getting into an exercise routine. I average about one day off a week, and on those days I've committed myself to a nice long workout. The other day I rode my bike from my house to Harlem. It was a beautiful two hour ride through downtown Brooklyn and over the Brooklyn bridge and all along the West side highway by the Hudson River in Manhattan. I couldn't believe I rode that far! On the days I work, I average about 45 minutes to an hour at the gym doing cardio and some weight training. I allow myself to skip hardcore exercising on the days I open the restaurant, which is usually once a week. To get there on time, I have to wake up at 4am and then I'm pretty exhausted by the time I get home. Hopefully now that the weather is nice I'll be out and about more often! Yay for being active!

04.10.2010

2010-03-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

I got my first social security statement from the government! It listed all the social security wages I've earned since I started my first job at McDonalds in 1999. It inspired me to go right to the library and check out my first Suze Orman book. I'm growing up!

I spent the last week or so reading finance books, reviewing my monthly budget and setting some financial goals for myself. I'm a fairly frugal person, but I decided to give myself some new guidelines and challenges. The first challenge is to go the entire month of April without buying any coffee, Jamba Juice smoothies or candy bars. Sometimes when I'm having a rough day, or it's cold and rainy, or if I simply get to work early, I'll buy one of the aforementioned products to lift my spirits or just kill some time. Lately, I've been thinking about the sources of my happiness- and as truly wonderful as those things are, I don't want to use them to cheer myself up, at least not as frequently as I do. When I have a crappy morning at work, I'll skip the candy bar and call a friend or family member or go for a walk.

To increase the stakes, I bumped up my monthly student loan payment and my automatic savings transfer by $50 each. That's a hundred bucks I'll have to account for and hopefully it'll help me resist the urge for a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee, even if it's the perfect supplement to a hot New York City day.

I also upgraded to a better cashback rewards program on my credit card and applied to consolidate my student loans. Next step is to open a Roth IRA and start saving!

As far as the resolutions are going, I think this is a good start. My next move is to think of some sort of exercise/diet plan I can stick to with my new schedule, which changes week to week.

I faltered for a month or so with the new jobs, getting sick, best friends moving away and my mom coming to town, but I think I'm finally back on schedule. I got an e-mail the other day for a possible assistant design position. I'm going to be away for their week of tech, but I'm still crossing my fingers.

02.21.2010

2010-03-20T06:46:00.000-07:00

So the worst happened. The day after my last post, I was diagnosed with a viral upper respiratory infection, put on antibiotics, and had to take two days to recuperate. Those two days, landing smack in the middle of training for two brand news jobs and opening a show, set me back quite a bit regarding my resolutions. Now that the show is over and I'm starting to get a little more comfortable at the restaurant and the theater, my eyes are adjusting to a messy house, an empty fridge, and an unused gym pass.

On top of all that, my dearest friends R and J are moving upstate in two weeks to have an easier time raising their baby. As wonderful as NYC is, it's a freaking nightmare to have kids here unless you've got a billion dollars. They're also moving to be closer to R's sister, who just had a little baby boy herself. This news hit me pretty hard. These are two of my very best friends and baby B brings so much happiness to my life. I've got a baby nephew myself, and as nice as it sounds to move close to him and save a couple hundred bucks on rent every month, I don't want to have anything to do with the suburbs of Ohio. When I was a little girl, my aunts and uncles were around all the time. I was able to develop a strong loving relationship with them in my youth, and that relationship has only grown stronger as the years have gone by. I have a hard time taking off of work to visit baby C in Ohio, and now that I just started two new jobs, it'll be even harder. I really wish things could be different. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot.

As a going away present for R and J, we took them to see Martin McDonagh's new play, A Behanding in Spokane on Broadway. We went out for coffee afterwards and had a lot of fun. They had to get home to the babysitter, but I was sad to say goodnight.

The next day, we kidnapped baby B and took her to the zoo. She was so overwhelmed by excitement, she couldn't do anything but jump up and down and laugh. I think her favorite animals were the sea lions.

Right now I'm on my way to the restaurant. I've heard nightmares about how hectic Sundays are there, but this will be my first one. I work until 5:30 or 6, and then I'm going to have to choose between going to the gym, cleaning up a little at home, or calling back the friends and relatives who have been wondering where I've been for the last couple of days.

02.27.2010

2010-02-27T10:17:00.000-08:00

I felt awful when I woke up today, so I called out of work. I could use the money, but I can't take a chance wearing myself out before these next hectic two weeks go by. It might be the flu, in which case I gotta knock it out of my system by Sunday night before I start the second job on Monday morning. I spent the morning resting, then I did a little bit of work on my show and now I'm taking advantage of the afternoon by studying my new menu. These are all the ingredients on the menu I had to look up:

Mesclun: A mixture of young salad greens, usually chervil, arugula, and endive, that originated in Providence, France. The name comes from the French verb mescla, which means to mix.

Gruyere: A hard yellow cheese made out of cow's milk. It's adds a savory flavor without overshadowing other ingredients.

Harissa: A North African hot chili sauce consisting of piri piri chili peppers, tomatoes and paprika.

Cornichon: A fruit similar in form and nutritional value to a cucumber. (Really Wikipedia? A fruit?!)

Capers: The bud of a perennial flowery bush of the same name, often used as a seasoning or garnish. If the bud is not picked, it flowers into a caperberry, which can also be eaten.

Mozzarella di Bufala: Mozzarella that is made from the milk of water buffalos.

Tahini: A paste of ground sesame seeds, coming from the Arabic word for to grind.

Acacia Honey: Honey made by bees using the flower of an Acacia tree as forage. It is considered a delicacy for its mild flowery taste and soft running texture. Acacia honey is especially rare because it does not crystalize.

Babaganoush: An Arab dish of eggplant mashed and mixed with various seasonings.

Taboule:A Levantine salad dish. parsley, bulgur, mint, tomato, spring onion, and other herbs with lemon juice, olive oil and various seasonings, generally including black pepper and sometimes cinnamon and allspice. From the Arabic word meaning "Little spicy."

Crottin: A French goat cheese

Fourme d'Ambert: one of France's oldest cheeses, it is a pasteurized cow's milk blue cheese with a narrow cylindrical shape. While the cheese is aging, it is injected with a sweet white wine once a week.

Pine Nuts: The edible seeds of pines, found in a pine cone.

Red Quinoa: The edible seeds of grain-like crop. Quinoa contains bitter-tasting Saponins, which must be removed by rinsing it through water for several hours. Quinoa promotes digestive health.

Enoki Mushrooms: Long, thin white mushrooms grown in Asia. Their crisp texture makes them desirable in salads, but they can also be cooked in soup. (Ours come in a salad!) They contain a large quantity of antioxidants and protein.

Chevre Dressing: A dressing made from French goat cheese.

mmmmmmmmmm!!!

*Something is wrong with the website to which I upload my photos. The colors are a lot duller than the original picture. I first noticed it with the cyclamen the other day. I'm going to try to fix it or switch to a new hosting website. For now, deal with the dull flowers :(

02.26.2010

2010-02-26T19:46:00.000-08:00

I hadn't really seen C since Monday. He had the morning off today and I could not wait to wake him up. He got home at 2am last night when I was already fast asleep, so I let him sleep until 9:45. Ok, I went back in at 9 and woke him up to say good morning, but then I let him go back to sleep again.

The responses that I've gotten to the blog have been amazing! I'm going to try my best to keep it up, but I am in uber-stressed-out mode right now. Both of my new jobs require me to memorize loads of information and they're both a lot farther away than I'm used to (about an hour fifteen on the train). I have to leave the house at 4:30am to get to the restaurant on time for a morning shift. I've also got a week and a half until my show opens and things are not going as well as we had hoped as far as getting material, a place to build some scenery, and some competent carpenters. I'm a little worried, but I'm going to try to not stress about it too much.

I also woke up with a sore throat this morning, and feel like I might be coming down with a cold, which would be HORRIBLE right now.

I am trying to stay positive and focus on where I'll be two months from now: I'll have been at both jobs long enough to get rid of that awkward new employee feeling and the anxiety that goes with it, the weather will be a little nicer and I'll have time to take advantage of the fact that both jobs are right next to central park, and I'll be getting ready to celebrate C's graduation with his parents! Home stretch! That reminds me...Yankee baseball soon!

Also, my last two shifts at the disgusting sports bar are this weekend! Then I'm never going back (or looking back) again!

02.25.2010

2010-02-26T06:12:00.000-08:00

02.24.2010

2010-02-24T06:23:00.002-08:00

So once again, life is on hold. I'm not exercising (again) not eating as healthy as I should be (again) not keeping my house as clean as I'd like it to be (again). The cycle has repeated itself just a month after I resolved not to let it. I have to forgive myself though. I started a new job on Monday, and I have orientation for another new job today. I have two shifts left at the shitty place, and I couldn't be happier about that. I am a naturally anxious person, so I'm suffering from mild tummy aches, headaches, a little bit of insomnia and general anxious tension in my body. I just want to be successful at these two new jobs. Here goes nothing!

02.22.2010

2010-02-24T06:23:00.001-08:00

02.21.2010

2010-02-24T06:22:00.000-08:00

02.20.2010

2010-02-20T11:26:00.001-08:00

It's been an extremely busy couple of days for me! After my mangled open house at Le Pain on Wednesday, I had an interview for a box office position that C hooked me up with. They called me about an hour after to let me know I got the job. Then later that evening I headed over to a new restaurant in Park Slope that was hiring. The manager asked me to shadow a server for a couple hours and then pulled me off the floor to tell me I was obviously a good waitress and a hard worker, and I had a job there. Then Le Pain actually called me back. I had an interview this morning and was hired on the spot!

I'm starting at the busiest location in Manhattan, on 58th street and 7th ave...right next to central park! I don't know exactly what to expect, and I know that no job is perfect, but I have already imagined my first day, and it did include broadway-musical style impromptu choreographed dance numbers.

02.18.2010

2010-02-19T06:01:00.000-08:00

Once a month, Collin and I plan to spend one day together. We forget about money, stress, work and other things that need to be done, just for the one day. By the end of the night, we always agree that taking one day a month to explore our city, spend a little money on ourselves, and be with each other is healthy and even necessary. Looking forward to next month!

This is a steep hill at the end of our park. At the bottom of the hill, there's a six foot drop to the sidewalk. Then there's beautiful 5th Avenue. Extreme Penguin Sledding ensued.

Chelsea Market is an indoor collection of fancy novelty shops, bakeries and restaurants. It's decor is deconstructed industrialist, with lots of broken and recycled metal pieces. We window shopped for hours, and all we bought was a cannoli for $2.50.

Then off to Maryann's, our favorite Mexican restaurant.

02.17.2010 Happy Birthday, Mom!

2010-02-17T15:14:00.000-08:00

I just finished a huge stack of dishes. Usually when they pile up like that, C and I split it in half. Unfortunately, I got pretty tipsy on Tuesday night and bet C the entire sink-full that "distinguishment" is a word. Turns out it's not. Don't get the wrong impression, I only had a glass of wine. I just never developed that college tolerance because I was too busy working or studying.

Speaking of work, there was finally an open house for my favorite restaurant today. I want this job so bad. They play classical music, serve gourmet organic food, and all their furniture is "reclaimed wood," which means they didn't have to cut down trees to make it. They have one long table that stretches across the restaurant called "the communal table" where strangers sit together and eat. I totally belong at this place.

I got there early, and as I was about to walk in, I realized that I forgot a pen and freaked out. I ran four blocks until I found a Duane Reade and bought a pen. When I got back, I was still only the fourth person to sign in. My interview went well and the manager told me that she had just hired the server before me, but she wished she didn't so that she could hire me instead. She promised she'd keep my resume on file and give me a call. I was so upset that I called out of work (I couldn't stand to go back there tonight after being so close to getting out) and I stopped at a Ben & Jerry's scoop shop on the way to the train. This place usually has an open house once a month, so if I don't hear from her I'll just have to hold out a little more until next time. And remember to bring a freaking pen.

I know I said I was going to stop bitching about work, but this is just too good to pass up. On Valentine's Day, the kitchen got really backed up. At about 1pm, my food was taking 20 minutes. by 3, it was 35 minutes. By the time 6pm rolled around, my orders were taking over an hour. My customers were livid. The kitchen couldn't handle any more orders so the managers told the hostesses to just stop seating people. When patrons finished their meals, they got up and left, and weren't replaced. Meanwhile, there was a line of angry, hungry people stretching out the door. By the time the kitchen finally dug themselves out of their ditch the restaurant was almost empty. Then they started seating again, and we repeated the entire fiasco- until we ran out of french fries. At a sports bar. Can you imagine telling the residents of downtown Brooklyn "I'm sorry, we don't have any french fries tonight?"

It's not pleasant. They don't take the news very well.

I've been really slipping up with my resolutions lately because I'm just so damn tired all the time. It's nice to have the night off, though. I'm going to blast some music, maybe allow myself one of my fancy mugs and make some tea, and get some stuff done tonight.

02.16.2010

2010-02-17T03:35:00.001-08:00

02.15.2010

2010-02-16T10:51:00.000-08:00

IT'S SUNNY TODAY! It's still effing cold, but the sun is out! I was drafting on the computer when I noticed that the light hitting my glass of juice was making some beautiful patterns on the parquet floor. I ran to get my secret stock of glass mugs I hid in the back of my dresser so I wouldn't miss the opportunity.

What's that? Oh, why do I have a secret stock of glass mugs hidden away? It's very logical, actually. I absolutely love the aesthetic of glass. I love glass containers. I save all the glass products we go through, from pickle jars to syrup bottles. Sometimes I find a new use for them, like the Q-tips that live in an old salsa can or the sugar that's in a cleaned-out tomato sauce jar (sorry I don't make my own, Auntie Ann!). Most of the time I stick them in a drawer in the studio.

Last month I became obsessed with the image of clear glass mugs for all the hot tea I drink. Right now we've got dull old white mugs from my first apartment and they're starting to look a little grimy...because they're white and we drink a lot of tea. I'm not materialistic in any sense, but I do appreciate simplistic beauty and little things like that make me happy. I didn't want to buy the mugs impulsively, so I decided to wait until I was having a horrible day, and buy them to cheer myself up, either as an alternative to (or maybe in addition to?) some ice cream. I told C my plan and he raised a good question of what would happen if I went to buy them and I couldn't find them. Would my day get worse?

I wasn't about to let that happen, so I checked to see if they were in stock in my favorite dishware store, Fishs Eddy. They were! I told the saleswoman that I was just making sure they were there and I wasn't going to purchase them that day, I was going to come back and purchase them when I was having a really bad day. She replied the four mugs on the shelf were surplus items and they were not going to be restocked once they were sold.

I said "But today I'm having a good day!"

And she said "Maybe you can buy them now, and hide them until you have a bad day."

Well, I couldn't argue with that. I purchased them at $2.50 apiece and got home and stuck them in a drawer right away and left them there until today. Now that I've used them in my photographic experiments, I'm going to wrap them right back up and hide them again.

Because today is also a good day. It's sunny!!

02.14.2010

2010-02-14T11:06:00.000-08:00

Having recently lived through the giant financial woe that is the last-semester-of-college, I let C off the hook for Valentine's Day. I told him he could make me a card on Adobe Illustrator, since we've been taking those free classes at the Apple store anyway. So you can imagine my surprise when I bumped into him at 2am last night (we were both walking home from work) and he handed me a massive bouquet of flowers! I don't go for balloons, stuffed bears, hallmark cards or any of those pharmacy aisle gifts, but I am definitely a flower kind of girl. Especially when it's winter in New York City.

Even though I had just worked fifteen hours, I took the time to trim them and arrange them in my vase. Arranging flowers is one of my favorite things to do. I love to smell each flower and give it it's own special place while working towards a collective shape for the entire bouquet.

In Japan, it's considered an art- they call it Ikebana, though it's much more complex than just sticking flowers in a vase. Each Ikebana comments on the relationship between man and earth. The part I really like is, as a rule, the artist works in complete silence. The art is not just for decoration, it is a chance for the artist to take the time to appreciate and thank nature. Like most things, the process is just as important as the end result.

I'm going to try not to bitch about work on the blog anymore. It's obviously clear that I need a new job, but I also need to let go of these things as soon as they happen. It doesn't do me any good to dwell on the way people treat me there, especially when I know I gave them excellent service. When I come home, I might as well forget about that place and concentrate on what I need to do for myself until I have to go back. One more full day and then two days off!!

02.13.2010

2010-02-13T06:47:00.000-08:00

I didn't exercise today because I worked until 2am last night and I'm going back in at 11am today. I will get to do 10-15 minutes of yoga though. I'm going to let myself work hard and work late this weekend and then get back on track with my resolutions starting Monday, since my boss cut my hours for next week anyway.

You know it's a bad sign when you greet a table and two of the guys sitting there have teardrop tattoos on their faces. The entire table was loud and rude. They called me names. They drank and ate over $80 worth of beer and chicken, tipped me $2 and sat at the table for another hour and a half after they paid. When they finally left and I went to go bus the table, I saw that they had taken all five sets of silverware I had given them and bent each piece in half. Who does this kind of stuff? I probably shouldn't have done this, considering that there has been all sorts of violence at this restaurant, but I took the silverware and marched up to the guys, who were making their way out of the bar slowly, stopping to talk to friends at other tables on the way. I told them that what they did was completely unnecessary and that they should treat other people with common decency. They looked embarrassed and scrammed, but I'm not sure if they actually felt bad and listened to what I said or if they were just afraid I was going to get my manager.

For some HAPPY things: Collin and I went to our second *free* adobe illustrator workshop at the apple store yesterday. Again, best.city.ever! We're learning so much! Now I just have to find the time to practice what I'm learning. Maybe we'll make all our Christmas cards on Illustrator next year. Also, every month we set one night to spend the day together and go out to dinner. We do this no matter how busy or broke we are, because it helps keep us sane and it's easy to go days without seeing each other since we both work all the time. Our date for this month is on Thursday, so that'll help me get through the week!

02.12.2010

2010-02-13T06:35:00.000-08:00

Collin knew I've been looking for a little inspiration lately, and he let me borrow The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. It's an amazing book, heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time. One of the lessons Dr. Pausch describes is simply asking for what you want. The show I'm designing has a scene that takes place in a bathroom. It requires a toilet and a vanity and our budget is teeny tiny. So, taking a hint from Randy, I simply called up a bathroom/kitchen showroom in the same area of Manhattan as the theatre and asked if we could borrow a set in return for publicity in the program. The guy said yes! It was that easy!

02.11.2010

2010-02-11T17:33:00.000-08:00

Well, I sure did get back to business! In fact, I just got back from my second *free* business class at the New York Public Library. This truly is the greatest city in the world. There's one class a month and they are all geared towards the ultimate goal of creating a business plan. The business plans are submitted in June and then judged. The winner gets $15,000 towards starting their own business. Chris, good friend of mine, and I have been talking about starting a business together for a long time. Winning the money would be totally cool, but we're just excited to finally be writing a plan.

For the last seven months, I've worked every Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday from 12-10pm (except for my awesome Christmas vacation!). When I received my schedule this week, I was scheduled the same days, but from 4-10. My manager had completely cut 12 hours out of my work week. Of course, when I got to work yesterday I found out the guy who is in charge of the schedule was out all week. I e-mailed him asking why, and he simply replied that he wanted to get rid of double shifts. Every day I have to hold myself back from giving my two weeks notice. It's always one thing or another. I have to find something new.

And I've been looking. And I've been bitter that I didn't pick and choose paths that would drive me right into a specific, stable job. I worked my ass off through six years of college for a degree in a field where even the experts "aren't in it for the money." I don't mind having a full-time job and designing on the side, but the full-time job has to be bearable. I have skills, but they are all vague and underdeveloped. And everyone in New York City wants to hire an expert. I love theatre, I really really do. But I've got to find a stable job that enables me to do it. One that is not as horrible as BW3s. On the way home from the business seminar, I drew a couple of little cartoons inspired by my feelings. They were little figures who had one highly specialized, machine-like body part that was so ridiculously developed, it rendered the rest of their body useless. Just drawing these silly little guys started to make me feel a little bit better. It's about taking action when you're unhappy, right? So I took a picture. Now they make me smile.

I didn't send out the package today. As I was wrapping each individual gift, I realized that I was sending my nephew five things and my mother two. It's my mom's birthday, and the stuff for my nephew is "just because" sort of stuff. I wrap presents with newspaper and magazines, and I saw an image that reminded me of my mom, so I decided to take the time to make her a collage tonight, frame it tomorrow and then send the package. My friend Megan makes beautiful collages and I've been wanting to try one. In the midst of all the billions of things I should be doing, or have to be doing, I'm going to do something I want to do.

This blog is very personal. I didn't send it out to friends and relatives because it's for me, to track the changes I want to make in my life. I'm thinking about spreading the word, though, since it is a daily update on my life and I do have trouble keeping in touch with all the people I love so much. (I know, I know!) My cousin Katie (well, Collin's cousin) starting reading my blog through a link on gmail and she thought it was inspiring. At the risk of sounding like an idiot, the fact that I inspired her was inspiring to me. Maybe it's time to get some feedback. Maybe it's time for some support and encouragement. Maybe it's time to make others smile. Maybe it's time to inspire each other. That's what life is all about, isn't it?

02.10.2010

2010-02-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to slip. Yesterday after the Lost party, I was too tired to exercise. I promised that I'd wake up early and clean and exercise before work. But I slept in instead.

We had a blizzard today, but snow doesn't stop New York City. I worked for 7 hours and then asked to go home early. I got attitude from my manager, but he let me go eventually. Collin and I went out and played in the snow for an hour. I helped him build his first snowman ever! Now we're going to stick a tomato and spinach Trader Joe's pizza in the oven and open a bottle of wine. A double dose of relaxing evenings is good for the soul, but tomorrow I gotta get back to business.

02.09.2010

2010-02-09T14:17:00.000-08:00

Today I bought veggies, tagged scenery I'm borrowing for my next show at the NYU Prop Loan, and bought my mom a birthday present. By the time I got home, I was pretty tired, so I sent out a couple of e-mails I've been meaning to get to and didn't do much else.

It's a mixture of the weather, the dark storage area for NYU scenery, the hustle and bustle of Union Square shopping, and subterranean transportation that can really wear a girl out.

Last week we had a party for the season premiere of Lost. We had so much fun, we're going to do it every week, starting tonight. I'm really looking forward to a guaranteed weekly gathering with friends. Definitely a good de-stressor!

I'm sticking my gym clothes, ipod and weights in my bag and then I'll just pop into the gym on the way home tonight for my workout. My gym is not high class in the least, but it's open 24 hours, and that's pretty cool.

02.08.2010

2010-02-08T17:02:00.001-08:00

Slept late again today, but I think it's ok considering I worked 36 hours in the past three days. After my production meeting I spent two hours cleaning out the studio. I made progress, but there's still a lot to go. I wanted to just push through and keep cleaning, but I made myself stop so I can work on my design a little bit, make a healthy dinner and relax before my late-night trip to the gym!

I have a box full of stuff that I've been meaning to send to my mother and nephew since Christmas. It's been sitting in the corner of our living room, and every once in awhile I'll add to it, if I see something for the baby that I can't resist buying. My mom's birthday is coming up and I'm vowing to send the box out by Thursday, February 11th. These are exactly the sort of little errands that I am simply HORRIBLE at executing. But here's my promise, in black and white. That box will go!

02.07.2010

2010-02-08T16:59:00.000-08:00

Breakfast was about all I had time for today. That's how Superbowl Sundays go when you work at a sports bar.

02.06.2010

2010-02-06T07:06:00.000-08:00

22 Push Ups

40 Crunches

Pay-per view UFC Fight tonight at work

Superbowl Sunday tomorrow

02.05.2010

2010-02-05T13:08:00.001-08:00

What a productive day!

I went to Trader Joe's and bought tons of delicious health food. Our cabinets are completely stocked with wonderful things to eat! It's so much easier to resist temptation and save money on take out when you've got so much waiting at home for you.

After putting away the groceries, I headed out to the free Adobe Illustrator class I had signed up for at the Apple store. Collin had nothing to do, so he came along. We learned so much in an hour! The best part was, it was the first class in a weekly series that lasts the entire month! How lucky is that? The instructor urged us to take some time to play around with the software for fun, without a specific project or a deadline looming over us. Collin and I agreed to play around with it by making each other Valentines Day cards using what we learned in the class. I'm so excited to go back next week and learn more!

I'm not going to make it to the gym tonight because I picked up an extra shift at work instead. I'm ok with it, knowing that I worked towards my other resolutions today. For these changes to happen and to stick, it has to be gradual and I have to understand that I can't do everything all at once. I did ten minutes of yoga backbends today to wake up my muscles, stretch and relax. Now I'm going to make myself a healthy dinner, pack up some snacks and head off to work. I'm going to take another stab at being more "zen" in the midst of the chicken wings and beer. We'll see how it goes.

02.04.2010

2010-02-04T10:46:00.000-08:00

This is a tip I got yesterday at work. My boss accused me of breaking the vacuum (which broke on Friday when I wasn't working) and I had to stay two extra hours because each manager thought the other one was going to make the cuts. The sad part is, this was a good day.

I slept until 9:30 today. That's super late for me. I ate breakfast, stretched, showered and cleaned up a little bit.

Our second bedroom is my work studio. It's also where we shove random stuff that has no place else to go. I want it organized and functional, but this is a big job, so I've been working on it slowly but surely. Today I allotted myself an hour to work on it, but my mom called a half an hour in and I caught up with her for the next half hour instead. Since keeping in touch with my friends and relatives is another resolution, I figured it was a fair trade.

I'm about to go work on some drawings for my show and then when Collin gets home from school, he's going to accompany me around manhattan while I submit my resume to some happier restaurants. I'll probably have a small dinner before I do some more night time cardio.

I really need a new job. Cross your fingers for me!!

02.03.2010

2010-02-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up early and did a new exercise video using a pilates bodyband I bought at target. It was a good work out, but I have to get used to using the band correctly to make it even better.

Collin got out of bed an hour later and helped me pack up the healthy lunches that I made for us: garlic hummus and tomato in a toasted pita pocket, grapes, granola bar, three chocolate cookies and an apple. It's nice to have someone to support and help out with healthy decisions, even if he's a little silly.

02.02.2010

2010-02-02T09:10:00.000-08:00

So far so good in the eye of the storm. But today I've got my first meeting for one of the two shows that I've committed myself to and in no time I'm going to be really busy. Now I just gotta keep up the good habits.

I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow. It's times like these that I'm grateful to have the guidance of Kurt Vonnegut, the guru of embracing life to the fullest in the midst of all its futility. I'm currently reading Slapstick, in which I found this little gem, and only five chapters in:

"...life can be painless, provided that there is sufficient peacefulness for a dozen or so rituals to be repeated simply endlessly.

Life, ideally, I think, should be like the Minuet or the Virginia Reel or the Turkey Trot, something easily mastered in dancing school."

02.01.2010

2010-02-01T13:23:00.000-08:00

Little bit of a lazy day. Even after I had mentally psyched myself up for work yesterday, I still came home in tears. The bottom line is, that place is horrible. The management, the employees, the patrons. I nearly gave my two weeks notice on the spot. I should really have something else lined up though before I leave.

I slept in a little bit and cheered myself up with some cooking! I made delicious salsa today using my very own recipe. Collin and I agreed to bake or cook something healthy every Monday morning from now on. Today we had garlic and herb tilapia with homemade seasoned french fries. Next week we're going to make our own hummus! At least, if my professional life kind of sucks at the moment, I can have a good time at home on my day off. Right now I've got a green cake baking in the oven for a LOST season premiere party tomorrow and I'm feeling a million times better than I did last night.

This evening will consist of sending out resumes to ads on craigslist (doesn't that always seem like a dead end?) a trip to the gym for some cardio to the hair soundtrack, and decorating my cake. Then I'm going to RELAX!!

01.31.2010

2010-01-31T05:49:00.000-08:00

Sundays are a different breed. I'm not waking up after two days off, heart and soul rejuvenated. I'm waking up from a trivial amount of sleep after a full day of work. Most Sundays I have to peel myself out of bed with just enough time to get ready and go back.

Understanding this, I'm not going to hold myself to something specific every Sunday. I am going to try my best to write a blog or at least post a picture. And I'm going to head off to work with the intention to let things roll off my shoulders all day. One reason I probably hate my job so much is that I'm very sensitive and I take everything personally. The restaurant I work in is located in a bad area, and the patrons are rude and cheap. I know I'm a great server, but when people are angry, it's almost contagious. It's not just the patrons, either. Equally frustrating are my loud, lazy coworkers and the condescending, horn-ball managers.

Stress will kill you. And at this place, it's just not worth it.

On a brighter note, I'm loving the daily pictures so far. It's kind of Marcel Duchamp-ish in that I'm paying a lot more attention to everyday objects. It takes a couple of minutes to choose a subject, regard light and balance, compose and click. And the results are beautiful. Althoough it sounds silly, that's kind of what I'm attempting to do with my entire life, only on a much larger scale.

01.30.2010

2010-01-30T07:03:00.001-08:00

To the dismay of school children everywhere, I hate weekends. When everyone else is relaxing and spending time with loved ones, I'm spending 24-30 hours waiting tables.

Q: How does a girl stick to her convictions without wearing herself out when she has two days in a row that are absolutely jam-packed?

A: Yoga!!

One of my resolutions is to take better care of my body. I would be completely lying if I said I was perfectly happy with the way I look, but I'm not trying to lose a ton of weight. The most important things I want to focus on are becoming stronger,less tense, and more confident. In the past six months, I've done cardio before a double shift exactly three times. Every time I do it, around 9pm (when I've been at work for 9 hours) I get really sick. So in order to make my Saturday mornings productive but relaxing, I'm starting Strength Training and Stretching Saturdays.

Each Saturday morning, I will do one form of low-impact strength training and a full stretch session. It'll wake me up and help me prepare for a day of full day on my feet dealing with the jerk patrons that frequent my restaurant. It might be fun to end with push-ups and crunches and use the blog to track how many I can do. I know that toning is more effective when combined with cardio, but that just isn't an option on these days.

Of all my resolutions, diet and exercise is the most important. If I could get these things down, I'll have more energy and motivation to tackle my professional, social and personal goals.

I started off lightly today with 20 minutes of sun salutations in my living room. I didn't sleep well last night and I didn't want to push myself. The stretching felt incredible, and the deep breathing gave me a feeling of relaxation that will hopefully last at least half of my shift today.

The next resolution I have to work on is finding a new job!!

365 Resolutions

2010-01-29T06:46:00.000-08:00

This blog is about my quest for balance. I worked my ass off for six years to get through college on my own, and I finally graduated about 8 months ago. I now have a BFA in Technical Theatre and Production (my specialty is set design) and I'm about $15,000 in debt. I live in beautiful New York City, one of the most expensive cities in the world. To pay my bills and my ridiculous rent each month, I wait tables, usually 12-14 hours a day, three days a week, at a really crappy sports bar. Then I have four whole days off for myself and my freelance design work. When my work is light, I exercise and eat right. I call my friends and family and even sometimes see them. My house is clean. When I am working on a design project, everything gets put on hold. I don't have time to go grocery shopping, tweeze my eyebrows, or call my mom. I won't go to the gym for weeks at a time and my house turns into a danger zone.

I love theatre and I love set design, but I hate the imbalance it brings to my life. And my resolution this year is to find a way to fix it. This plan originally consisted of taking time off from design for a month and regiment my schedule so I could stick to it once I began to take work again. Of course, two opportunities came around that I couldn't pass up, and I open another show in just over a month.

I'd like to use this blog as a daily check-in on my resolution. It will also serve as a reminder for me to take time for myself each day.

My resolution also consists of taking the time to slowly but surely improve some technical skills of mine, such as working in Vectorworks 2D and 3D, Photoshop and Illustrator, web design, freehand drawing, and digital photography. My sister introduced me to a blog craze that requires you to post one picture per day for an entire year, and I thought it would be the perfect format for my blog of resolutions.

Her blog 2010 in the House of Bean, usually consists of photos and maybe a quick caption. I'm going to take a different route and combine my photos with tales of my road to balance. Here's to happiness in 2010!!

Kaitlyn's Resolutions

2010-01-28T07:28:00.000-08:00

1. Learn more about Digital Photography

2. Improve skills in Vectorworks 2D and 3D

3. Learn more about Photoshop and Illustrator

4. Learn more about web design

5. Improve carpentry skills

6. Improve scenic art skills

7. Improve freehand drawing skills

8. Purge Studio, Kitchen, Bathroom, Bedroom. All closets and cabinets

9. Design and order business cards

10. Update resume and portfolio

11. Research health insurance policies

12. Find a new job

13. Research plans to save for the future

14. Learn about freelance unions

15. Research and create a business plan for future business

16. Exercise regularly

17. Improve diet

18. Make more friends, nurture existing friendships

19. Keep a sketchbook

20. Meditate

21. Visit Cindy, my old high school theatre teacher

22. Cook and bake more often