04.29.2010

I can't believe it's almost May! It's still pretty chilly over here, but it looks like it's going to start warming up in the next week or so.

The figure drawing class was a lot of fun and very inspiring. It was really nice to hang out with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. We bitched to each other about work and being broke, but then we settled into our wobbly metal stools and appreciated the little gifts the city bestows upon us, like drawing a fat old man in a quirky underground art studio. I hope we get a chance to go back soon.

I'm skipping my workout today- our shower is broken again. It "breaks" every couple of months- the pressure falls and the temperature is impossible to control. We have to stand there in a scalding hot drip until our landlord can find the time to come fix it. He's coming this morning, but I don't know when. I don't want to come back from the gym, gross and sweaty, and not be able to shower right away. ew. I think I'll do a little grocery shopping instead and forgive myself this once :)


Now that my finances are in order, I'm going to seriously tackle a second resolution- the food complex. Working as often as I do, it's freaking HARD to always have a meal or snack on hand. I'm usually good for two weeks or so after a big shopping trip, but when we start to run out of things in the house, I resort to running across the street to the deli to grab a sandwich or some sushi at work. Once in awhile, even once a week, isn't the worst thing. But any more than that, and the food problem starts to become a financial problem. How do I cope? I'm going to start to research recipes, bake and cook more. I might even have to invest in some more pyrex tupperware, to make sure I'm always prepared for a meal on the go. I'm usually home in the mornings, which means I can have a nice big breakfast and smaller meals throughout the day. Delis are plentiful in the city, but they're expensive and their healthy choices are limiting. So here goes nothing!

04.28.2010

I've got to give myself a little bit of credit- I've been working really hard. When that one day off rolls around, it's difficult to be productive. We've run out of food in the house and our schedules never allow us to go to the store together. If I didn't live in the city, I'd jump in my car and load up on groceries myself, or ask C to do it on his free time. But we DO live in New York, which means everything you buy you have to carry home- uphill in our case. It makes it a lot easier if we both go together, I just don't know when that will be.

I'm going to meet my friend for a figure drawing class tonight! One of my resolutions is to improve my drawing skills, but, again, I'm finding it very difficult to practice regularly.

The one resolution I have been pretty steady with is getting my finances in order. I checked my credit report and my credit score, opened a Roth IRA and set up an automatic savings plan. I consolidated my loans and found out that the federal government is really raking in my money with a high interest rate on my student loans. If I can hold out on a more comfortable lifestyle for two more years, I think I can pay them off by June of 2012, saving myself over $4000 in interest on their payback plan.

I also want to get married and adopt a kid one day, prospects which sometimes seem like impossibilities.

*sigh*

04.17.2010

Not gonna lie...been a little depressed lately. The resolutions were a lot easier with my old job. Now I'm making more money, but I'm working six to seven days a week. I'm not going to hold myself to a daily post anymore because I don't have time to really do it justice. I'm going to shoot for weekly or biweekly from now on.

So I slipped up and took it out on myself pretty hard. I'm sliding off the edge of what was a pretty brutal binge of self-disgust. Here is a short and unspecified list of the things I'm trying to get a good grip on that are totally overwhelming me right now:

Work (duh)
Housekeeping
Health & Body Image
Finances
Loneliness
Artistic Lull

When I get upset about these things, it easily turns into a self-esteem problem. The ideas that I'm not good enough or organized enough or lack will-power and strength creep into my mind and lodge themselves into the folds of my brain.

One of the biggest causes of my recent bout of depression has to do with a current lack of design work. I put it off intentionally to get settled in my two new jobs, and nothing much has come up since then. I've been thinking about design lately and have formed some really difficult thoughts concerning my future as an artist. I put a ton of work into each project I take on. I spent countless hours and energy on designs. I did a couple of shows this year that were less than fabulous. They lacked depth and meaning. I still poured my heart into them, because I'm a good designer.

...But I don't think I want to do that anymore. Lately, a weird thought pops into my brain while I'm sifting through research, commuting to meetings, drawing, drafting, building or painting. Should I be putting all this devotion and energy towards something that will have a more direct and positive effect on the world?

I'd like to come up with a way to make my art more of a direct agent of progress. I feel like there are issues at hand that are far too urgent to be putting so much energy, talent, and money into productions that are not meaningful. I'd really like to sit down this summer and figure out how I could do this. I feel like my happiness comes from helping others and doing good things for the world. Can I do that as a set designer?

It doesn't help that all these things are pushed to the surface when my two best friends and goddaughter move away and my boyfriend's schedule keeps him out late every night. I've been feeling a deep new york city loneliness that is easily enhanced by a glance at the skyline from the manhattan bridge or a crowded subway car. I'd like to get out right away and meet some new people. I laugh far less often than I should. The trick is finding the time and energy. Seems like that's always the trick, actually.

04.12.2010

Still working pretty hard. I'm making progress with my finances and slowly but surely getting into an exercise routine. I average about one day off a week, and on those days I've committed myself to a nice long workout. The other day I rode my bike from my house to Harlem. It was a beautiful two hour ride through downtown Brooklyn and over the Brooklyn bridge and all along the West side highway by the Hudson River in Manhattan. I couldn't believe I rode that far! On the days I work, I average about 45 minutes to an hour at the gym doing cardio and some weight training. I allow myself to skip hardcore exercising on the days I open the restaurant, which is usually once a week. To get there on time, I have to wake up at 4am and then I'm pretty exhausted by the time I get home. Hopefully now that the weather is nice I'll be out and about more often! Yay for being active!

04.10.2010

I got my first social security statement from the government! It listed all the social security wages I've earned since I started my first job at McDonalds in 1999. It inspired me to go right to the library and check out my first Suze Orman book. I'm growing up!

I spent the last week or so reading finance books, reviewing my monthly budget and setting some financial goals for myself. I'm a fairly frugal person, but I decided to give myself some new guidelines and challenges. The first challenge is to go the entire month of April without buying any coffee, Jamba Juice smoothies or candy bars. Sometimes when I'm having a rough day, or it's cold and rainy, or if I simply get to work early, I'll buy one of the aforementioned products to lift my spirits or just kill some time. Lately, I've been thinking about the sources of my happiness- and as truly wonderful as those things are, I don't want to use them to cheer myself up, at least not as frequently as I do. When I have a crappy morning at work, I'll skip the candy bar and call a friend or family member or go for a walk.

To increase the stakes, I bumped up my monthly student loan payment and my automatic savings transfer by $50 each. That's a hundred bucks I'll have to account for and hopefully it'll help me resist the urge for a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee, even if it's the perfect supplement to a hot New York City day.

I also upgraded to a better cashback rewards program on my credit card and applied to consolidate my student loans. Next step is to open a Roth IRA and start saving!

As far as the resolutions are going, I think this is a good start. My next move is to think of some sort of exercise/diet plan I can stick to with my new schedule, which changes week to week.

I faltered for a month or so with the new jobs, getting sick, best friends moving away and my mom coming to town, but I think I'm finally back on schedule. I got an e-mail the other day for a possible assistant design position. I'm going to be away for their week of tech, but I'm still crossing my fingers.

02.21.2010

So the worst happened. The day after my last post, I was diagnosed with a viral upper respiratory infection, put on antibiotics, and had to take two days to recuperate. Those two days, landing smack in the middle of training for two brand news jobs and opening a show, set me back quite a bit regarding my resolutions. Now that the show is over and I'm starting to get a little more comfortable at the restaurant and the theater, my eyes are adjusting to a messy house, an empty fridge, and an unused gym pass.

On top of all that, my dearest friends R and J are moving upstate in two weeks to have an easier time raising their baby. As wonderful as NYC is, it's a freaking nightmare to have kids here unless you've got a billion dollars. They're also moving to be closer to R's sister, who just had a little baby boy herself. This news hit me pretty hard. These are two of my very best friends and baby B brings so much happiness to my life. I've got a baby nephew myself, and as nice as it sounds to move close to him and save a couple hundred bucks on rent every month, I don't want to have anything to do with the suburbs of Ohio. When I was a little girl, my aunts and uncles were around all the time. I was able to develop a strong loving relationship with them in my youth, and that relationship has only grown stronger as the years have gone by. I have a hard time taking off of work to visit baby C in Ohio, and now that I just started two new jobs, it'll be even harder. I really wish things could be different. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot.

As a going away present for R and J, we took them to see Martin McDonagh's new play, A Behanding in Spokane on Broadway. We went out for coffee afterwards and had a lot of fun. They had to get home to the babysitter, but I was sad to say goodnight.

The next day, we kidnapped baby B and took her to the zoo. She was so overwhelmed by excitement, she couldn't do anything but jump up and down and laugh. I think her favorite animals were the sea lions.

Right now I'm on my way to the restaurant. I've heard nightmares about how hectic Sundays are there, but this will be my first one. I work until 5:30 or 6, and then I'm going to have to choose between going to the gym, cleaning up a little at home, or calling back the friends and relatives who have been wondering where I've been for the last couple of days.

02.27.2010

I felt awful when I woke up today, so I called out of work. I could use the money, but I can't take a chance wearing myself out before these next hectic two weeks go by. It might be the flu, in which case I gotta knock it out of my system by Sunday night before I start the second job on Monday morning. I spent the morning resting, then I did a little bit of work on my show and now I'm taking advantage of the afternoon by studying my new menu. These are all the ingredients on the menu I had to look up:

Mesclun: A mixture of young salad greens, usually chervil, arugula, and endive, that originated in Providence, France. The name comes from the French verb mescla, which means to mix.

Gruyere: A hard yellow cheese made out of cow's milk. It's adds a savory flavor without overshadowing other ingredients.

Harissa: A North African hot chili sauce consisting of piri piri chili peppers, tomatoes and paprika.

Cornichon: A fruit similar in form and nutritional value to a cucumber. (Really Wikipedia? A fruit?!)

Capers: The bud of a perennial flowery bush of the same name, often used as a seasoning or garnish. If the bud is not picked, it flowers into a caperberry, which can also be eaten.

Mozzarella di Bufala: Mozzarella that is made from the milk of water buffalos.

Tahini: A paste of ground sesame seeds, coming from the Arabic word for to grind.

Acacia Honey: Honey made by bees using the flower of an Acacia tree as forage. It is considered a delicacy for its mild flowery taste and soft running texture. Acacia honey is especially rare because it does not crystalize.

Babaganoush: An Arab dish of eggplant mashed and mixed with various seasonings.

Taboule:A Levantine salad dish. parsley, bulgur, mint, tomato, spring onion, and other herbs with lemon juice, olive oil and various seasonings, generally including black pepper and sometimes cinnamon and allspice. From the Arabic word meaning "Little spicy."

Crottin: A French goat cheese

Fourme d'Ambert: one of France's oldest cheeses, it is a pasteurized cow's milk blue cheese with a narrow cylindrical shape. While the cheese is aging, it is injected with a sweet white wine once a week.

Pine Nuts: The edible seeds of pines, found in a pine cone.

Red Quinoa: The edible seeds of grain-like crop. Quinoa contains bitter-tasting Saponins, which must be removed by rinsing it through water for several hours. Quinoa promotes digestive health.

Enoki Mushrooms: Long, thin white mushrooms grown in Asia. Their crisp texture makes them desirable in salads, but they can also be cooked in soup. (Ours come in a salad!) They contain a large quantity of antioxidants and protein.

Chevre Dressing: A dressing made from French goat cheese.


mmmmmmmmmm!!!


*Something is wrong with the website to which I upload my photos. The colors are a lot duller than the original picture. I first noticed it with the cyclamen the other day. I'm going to try to fix it or switch to a new hosting website. For now, deal with the dull flowers :(

02.26.2010

I hadn't really seen C since Monday. He had the morning off today and I could not wait to wake him up. He got home at 2am last night when I was already fast asleep, so I let him sleep until 9:45. Ok, I went back in at 9 and woke him up to say good morning, but then I let him go back to sleep again.

The responses that I've gotten to the blog have been amazing! I'm going to try my best to keep it up, but I am in uber-stressed-out mode right now. Both of my new jobs require me to memorize loads of information and they're both a lot farther away than I'm used to (about an hour fifteen on the train). I have to leave the house at 4:30am to get to the restaurant on time for a morning shift. I've also got a week and a half until my show opens and things are not going as well as we had hoped as far as getting material, a place to build some scenery, and some competent carpenters. I'm a little worried, but I'm going to try to not stress about it too much.

I also woke up with a sore throat this morning, and feel like I might be coming down with a cold, which would be HORRIBLE right now.

I am trying to stay positive and focus on where I'll be two months from now: I'll have been at both jobs long enough to get rid of that awkward new employee feeling and the anxiety that goes with it, the weather will be a little nicer and I'll have time to take advantage of the fact that both jobs are right next to central park, and I'll be getting ready to celebrate C's graduation with his parents! Home stretch! That reminds me...Yankee baseball soon!

Also, my last two shifts at the disgusting sports bar are this weekend! Then I'm never going back (or looking back) again!

02.25.2010

02.24.2010

So once again, life is on hold. I'm not exercising (again) not eating as healthy as I should be (again) not keeping my house as clean as I'd like it to be (again). The cycle has repeated itself just a month after I resolved not to let it. I have to forgive myself though. I started a new job on Monday, and I have orientation for another new job today. I have two shifts left at the shitty place, and I couldn't be happier about that. I am a naturally anxious person, so I'm suffering from mild tummy aches, headaches, a little bit of insomnia and general anxious tension in my body. I just want to be successful at these two new jobs. Here goes nothing!

02.22.2010

02.21.2010

02.20.2010

It's been an extremely busy couple of days for me! After my mangled open house at Le Pain on Wednesday, I had an interview for a box office position that C hooked me up with. They called me about an hour after to let me know I got the job. Then later that evening I headed over to a new restaurant in Park Slope that was hiring. The manager asked me to shadow a server for a couple hours and then pulled me off the floor to tell me I was obviously a good waitress and a hard worker, and I had a job there. Then Le Pain actually called me back. I had an interview this morning and was hired on the spot!

I'm starting at the busiest location in Manhattan, on 58th street and 7th ave...right next to central park! I don't know exactly what to expect, and I know that no job is perfect, but I have already imagined my first day, and it did include broadway-musical style impromptu choreographed dance numbers.

02.18.2010

Once a month, Collin and I plan to spend one day together. We forget about money, stress, work and other things that need to be done, just for the one day. By the end of the night, we always agree that taking one day a month to explore our city, spend a little money on ourselves, and be with each other is healthy and even necessary. Looking forward to next month!

This is a steep hill at the end of our park. At the bottom of the hill, there's a six foot drop to the sidewalk. Then there's beautiful 5th Avenue. Extreme Penguin Sledding ensued.

Chelsea Market is an indoor collection of fancy novelty shops, bakeries and restaurants. It's decor is deconstructed industrialist, with lots of broken and recycled metal pieces. We window shopped for hours, and all we bought was a cannoli for $2.50.

Then off to Maryann's, our favorite Mexican restaurant.

02.17.2010 Happy Birthday, Mom!

I just finished a huge stack of dishes. Usually when they pile up like that, C and I split it in half. Unfortunately, I got pretty tipsy on Tuesday night and bet C the entire sink-full that "distinguishment" is a word. Turns out it's not. Don't get the wrong impression, I only had a glass of wine. I just never developed that college tolerance because I was too busy working or studying.

Speaking of work, there was finally an open house for my favorite restaurant today. I want this job so bad. They play classical music, serve gourmet organic food, and all their furniture is "reclaimed wood," which means they didn't have to cut down trees to make it. They have one long table that stretches across the restaurant called "the communal table" where strangers sit together and eat. I totally belong at this place.

I got there early, and as I was about to walk in, I realized that I forgot a pen and freaked out. I ran four blocks until I found a Duane Reade and bought a pen. When I got back, I was still only the fourth person to sign in. My interview went well and the manager told me that she had just hired the server before me, but she wished she didn't so that she could hire me instead. She promised she'd keep my resume on file and give me a call. I was so upset that I called out of work (I couldn't stand to go back there tonight after being so close to getting out) and I stopped at a Ben & Jerry's scoop shop on the way to the train. This place usually has an open house once a month, so if I don't hear from her I'll just have to hold out a little more until next time. And remember to bring a freaking pen.

I know I said I was going to stop bitching about work, but this is just too good to pass up. On Valentine's Day, the kitchen got really backed up. At about 1pm, my food was taking 20 minutes. by 3, it was 35 minutes. By the time 6pm rolled around, my orders were taking over an hour. My customers were livid. The kitchen couldn't handle any more orders so the managers told the hostesses to just stop seating people. When patrons finished their meals, they got up and left, and weren't replaced. Meanwhile, there was a line of angry, hungry people stretching out the door. By the time the kitchen finally dug themselves out of their ditch the restaurant was almost empty. Then they started seating again, and we repeated the entire fiasco- until we ran out of french fries. At a sports bar. Can you imagine telling the residents of downtown Brooklyn "I'm sorry, we don't have any french fries tonight?"

It's not pleasant. They don't take the news very well.

I've been really slipping up with my resolutions lately because I'm just so damn tired all the time. It's nice to have the night off, though. I'm going to blast some music, maybe allow myself one of my fancy mugs and make some tea, and get some stuff done tonight.

02.16.2010

02.15.2010

IT'S SUNNY TODAY! It's still effing cold, but the sun is out! I was drafting on the computer when I noticed that the light hitting my glass of juice was making some beautiful patterns on the parquet floor. I ran to get my secret stock of glass mugs I hid in the back of my dresser so I wouldn't miss the opportunity.

What's that? Oh, why do I have a secret stock of glass mugs hidden away? It's very logical, actually. I absolutely love the aesthetic of glass. I love glass containers. I save all the glass products we go through, from pickle jars to syrup bottles. Sometimes I find a new use for them, like the Q-tips that live in an old salsa can or the sugar that's in a cleaned-out tomato sauce jar (sorry I don't make my own, Auntie Ann!). Most of the time I stick them in a drawer in the studio.

Last month I became obsessed with the image of clear glass mugs for all the hot tea I drink. Right now we've got dull old white mugs from my first apartment and they're starting to look a little grimy...because they're white and we drink a lot of tea. I'm not materialistic in any sense, but I do appreciate simplistic beauty and little things like that make me happy. I didn't want to buy the mugs impulsively, so I decided to wait until I was having a horrible day, and buy them to cheer myself up, either as an alternative to (or maybe in addition to?) some ice cream. I told C my plan and he raised a good question of what would happen if I went to buy them and I couldn't find them. Would my day get worse?

I wasn't about to let that happen, so I checked to see if they were in stock in my favorite dishware store, Fishs Eddy. They were! I told the saleswoman that I was just making sure they were there and I wasn't going to purchase them that day, I was going to come back and purchase them when I was having a really bad day. She replied the four mugs on the shelf were surplus items and they were not going to be restocked once they were sold.

I said "But today I'm having a good day!"

And she said "Maybe you can buy them now, and hide them until you have a bad day."

Well, I couldn't argue with that. I purchased them at $2.50 apiece and got home and stuck them in a drawer right away and left them there until today. Now that I've used them in my photographic experiments, I'm going to wrap them right back up and hide them again.

Because today is also a good day. It's sunny!!

02.14.2010

Having recently lived through the giant financial woe that is the last-semester-of-college, I let C off the hook for Valentine's Day. I told him he could make me a card on Adobe Illustrator, since we've been taking those free classes at the Apple store anyway. So you can imagine my surprise when I bumped into him at 2am last night (we were both walking home from work) and he handed me a massive bouquet of flowers! I don't go for balloons, stuffed bears, hallmark cards or any of those pharmacy aisle gifts, but I am definitely a flower kind of girl. Especially when it's winter in New York City.

Even though I had just worked fifteen hours, I took the time to trim them and arrange them in my vase. Arranging flowers is one of my favorite things to do. I love to smell each flower and give it it's own special place while working towards a collective shape for the entire bouquet.

In Japan, it's considered an art- they call it Ikebana, though it's much more complex than just sticking flowers in a vase. Each Ikebana comments on the relationship between man and earth. The part I really like is, as a rule, the artist works in complete silence. The art is not just for decoration, it is a chance for the artist to take the time to appreciate and thank nature. Like most things, the process is just as important as the end result.

I'm going to try not to bitch about work on the blog anymore. It's obviously clear that I need a new job, but I also need to let go of these things as soon as they happen. It doesn't do me any good to dwell on the way people treat me there, especially when I know I gave them excellent service. When I come home, I might as well forget about that place and concentrate on what I need to do for myself until I have to go back. One more full day and then two days off!!

02.13.2010

I didn't exercise today because I worked until 2am last night and I'm going back in at 11am today. I will get to do 10-15 minutes of yoga though. I'm going to let myself work hard and work late this weekend and then get back on track with my resolutions starting Monday, since my boss cut my hours for next week anyway.

You know it's a bad sign when you greet a table and two of the guys sitting there have teardrop tattoos on their faces. The entire table was loud and rude. They called me names. They drank and ate over $80 worth of beer and chicken, tipped me $2 and sat at the table for another hour and a half after they paid. When they finally left and I went to go bus the table, I saw that they had taken all five sets of silverware I had given them and bent each piece in half. Who does this kind of stuff? I probably shouldn't have done this, considering that there has been all sorts of violence at this restaurant, but I took the silverware and marched up to the guys, who were making their way out of the bar slowly, stopping to talk to friends at other tables on the way. I told them that what they did was completely unnecessary and that they should treat other people with common decency. They looked embarrassed and scrammed, but I'm not sure if they actually felt bad and listened to what I said or if they were just afraid I was going to get my manager.

For some HAPPY things: Collin and I went to our second *free* adobe illustrator workshop at the apple store yesterday. Again, best.city.ever! We're learning so much! Now I just have to find the time to practice what I'm learning. Maybe we'll make all our Christmas cards on Illustrator next year. Also, every month we set one night to spend the day together and go out to dinner. We do this no matter how busy or broke we are, because it helps keep us sane and it's easy to go days without seeing each other since we both work all the time. Our date for this month is on Thursday, so that'll help me get through the week!

02.12.2010

Collin knew I've been looking for a little inspiration lately, and he let me borrow The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. It's an amazing book, heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time. One of the lessons Dr. Pausch describes is simply asking for what you want. The show I'm designing has a scene that takes place in a bathroom. It requires a toilet and a vanity and our budget is teeny tiny. So, taking a hint from Randy, I simply called up a bathroom/kitchen showroom in the same area of Manhattan as the theatre and asked if we could borrow a set in return for publicity in the program. The guy said yes! It was that easy!